Sunday, February 22, 2009

so tired of being sad ....

It seems each day I wake up I try to think positive.... but it never fails that I am reminded of how things are not as I wish they were. I am SO tired of feeling depressed. I ignore the good things, advances, and even gestures from others because I am so wrapped up in my consuming heart ache. In high school I could cry on command.... now I can NOT stop the tears from flowing. It is amazing to me that I let myself get so attached to anything or anyone in my life. I know that at anytime anyone I love could leave, pass away, or just not be around anymore. I believe that telling people how you feel and being honest are the only really TRUE way to having a happy full life, but to what purpose now ..... if only they choose to walk away? I am trying really hard to not become bitter. But I am tired of feeling like I am always the one being hurt. I am tired of crying alone .... crying for the one I miss ..... when i KNOW he does not feel the same. Am I just unworthy of love?

I DO deserve all the things my heart desires ----- when do I get to be happy?

44 comments:

jb said...

Dear Erin,

I just had to stop and leave you a note today. I'm so sorry you're feeling down. Believe me when I say that I know how you feel... you have no idea... unless you've been reading my blog, then you probaly do. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're not alone in this, and please stop by my blog any time. I'd love to hear from you. Maybe I can cheer you up with my work related posts or something. Just know that you are not alone, and that you are definitely worthy of love. YOU ARE WORTHY!! Don't forget it. :)

Hugs,
JB

Needsleepy said...

Hey sweetie! I am so sorry to read that you are still having problems getting your life back together. I have a few things to say :-)

1. Yes, you deserve to be happy AND love. You will get it eventually, I promise. Sometimes it just takes more time then you would want.
2. Honesty is the best policy in my book. Some people do not agree about that, they want to be lied to, but that is a fake life. For those of us who are not satisifed with the "fake" life...it takes longer to find those who agree with us or respect the honesty...so stick it out hun! They are others out there like you.
3. Time heals all...including heartache. Try your hardest just to have fun right now. Don't sweat the small stuff and just let go! Seize the day and make sure the people you do care about it know you do! True, they could leave you at anytime, but that is the way of life...people come and go out of your life. Most people come into your life for a short time and for a specific purpose...very few are permanent. The permanent ones will always hurt when they are gone. /hugs

I hope that didn't sound too "After school special" :-)
Missed you!
I missed you.

Friendster said...

I just happen to be passing by and saw your nice post. Keep it up!

Chloe said...

I hope you feel better! All summer I was in such a taxing relationship that whenever customers at work asked me how I was I'd smile and say "Great" with tears streaming down my face.

chin up, girly!

cameronsharpe said...

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

Eric said...

I just stumbled across your blog this afternoon. Please don't feel bad for grieving - it's normal. But believe me when I say there are a lot of us out there in a similar position. I never really thought I would be single again at 34, but oh well. Everything "bad" that happens to us has a lesson in it somewhere. It gets better, and soon you will find someone new to share the next part of your life with.

My only wish right now is that I could have been there when that guy was trying to touch you in December. It would have felt REAL good to drag him into the parking lot for a little "chat"... >:-)

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