Monday, April 19, 2010

A few years ago I started suffering from sever nightmares & actual night terrors. The nightmares were enough to wake myself up either screaming or crying. The doctor believed it was due to stress and not being in the best health. So I changed things. I started watching t.v. before bed, something light and funny. I started eating better and watching what I ate before bed. I starting going to bed earlier. Things managed to become a lot better. I found in trying to sleep more soundly that when I did wake up from a bad episode that talking about whatever I was dreaming about actually helped (in the case of a night terror I had NO clue what the dream was about). At some points I would be so deep in sleep and a dream that my bed-partner would actually have to SHAKE me to wake me up at which point uncontrollable sobbing would occur. I remember many times waking up and feeling as if I NEEDED to take care of whatever bad event had happened in my dream. In some situations I would call whoever I was dreaming about, check the cat to make sure he was breathing, or just drop to my knees and beg God to make them stop. I am lucky enough to have beat whatever stresses were causing me to have such horrible nights. I have not had an episode except for one at a friends house a week or so ago. Lucky for him, the pounding of my heart actually woke me up before I was too into whatever was going on in my brain. I am not sure what caused this last one, as I have managed to remove SO much stress in my life and really feel HAPPY now. BUT …. Last night was a different story. I woke myself up gasping for air and sobbing SO HARD. I remember my dream, I actually CAN NOT seem to stop thinking about it today. Unfortunately for me it was about someone who is now deceased and in my dream they were actually telling me what I could have done to save them. What a horrible dream. For people who do not have nightmares …. They will never understand. It’s like having the worst day of your life OVER AND OVER again. And NOT being able to change things. When these do happen for me they are about being caught in a fire, being attacked, friends & family dying, being lied to by a that someone special, and the WORLD ENDING. They are not about unimportant silly things. So ….. I woke myself up with a huge gasp, and because talking about it is good for me …… I talked to the CAT. Yep. I didn’t really think there would be anyone awake at 5am that would want to chat about it, so Lu Lu was my go too. She was very helpful too as she snuggled up next to me to help me fall back asleep! All I know is I DO NOT want to go back to having this happen every night. So....suggestions? Ideas? Inappropriate jokes? I am awake and listening!

I refuse to be tormented while I am sleeping.