Monday, December 27, 2010

Disappointment has a name......

GIVE ME A ...... J




OK - I'll stop there

I use to believe people when they told me things. I am a "trust from the beginning" kind of girl. That goes for friendships & relationships. But the past few years it has been burned into my brain that everyone lies .... and almost everyone is ok with lying.

Not me.

From the beginning the sweetness flowed. One compliment after the other. One promise after the other. AND without me asking for any of it.

"All I want is you"

"I want to take care of you forever"

"It feels like we could last forever"

"You are everything I could ever want"

"I have never had anyone make me feel this way and I hope it lasts forever"

BLAH BLAH BLAH.....shut up

3 weeks of NON STOP words from what i know now is his tiny little cold heart.

AND I fell for it. My very first impression a year ago was to run (see previous post). But there was something so different about him now. A kindness in his eyes, a sweetness in his smile. I felt SO wrong for having judged him before. How could I have almost passed him by?

but now I know first impression was true. DOUCHE to the TENTH power. How can someone be so cold. How can the most masculine such a coward vagina now? and how the HELL did he trick me into believing he was a good person?

he managed to take a conversation where i was trying to share something personal with him - and turn it into a chance to hurt my feelings. OK JASSHOLE - I get that there's some scorned girl who still wants you ..... and you feel guilty for jumping into things with me when she is hurting.

thanks for making me feel MO
RE LESS valuable than I already did.

Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for stomping on my heart. Thank you for taking the confidence I DID have and pureeing it into nothing.

How easy it is for me to easy all those messages. Delete all those emails. But how do I erase them from my mind?

If he can do this much damaged in 4 weeks, then i am headed for doom.

Amazing how a little twinkle of hate can make the biggest heart shut down.