Monday, January 11, 2010

Breaking up is like being buried...... but not dying.

I read this once somewhere and now i actually understand it ~ "Never make a man a priority when he only makes you an option". Amazing to me how hard i feel like i have worked for things to be good .... just to come to an end. The past 2 weeks have been hard, but luckily God has managed to keep me busy with good things, and bad things. Either way i have had little time to sit and cry over someone who seems to have moved on so quickly.

1. My little Pee kitty is getting old. His kidneys seem to be working less, he has lost 7 lbs, and looks like he has a headache. The vet says we just need to get his diabetes under control, but when they stop eating .... how long can you beg a cat to eat? he just looks at me with those pitiful eyes. The vet says he's not in pain, but i swear he looks at me like I am being mean to him.

2. My sister's boyfriend hit her new years day. In front of his parents. While she was holding their 6 month old baby. Pushed them both into the Christmas tree.Punched her in the face and head a few times. The baby was ok.....thank god. He spent some time in jail after. They think he was 'on' something. His family has promised to keep him away, but he is ANGRY - more than ANGRY. He goes back to court in 2 weeks. Restraining order is in processing. But as for now the family is on call. I will have to stay with her, be the nannie, sleep on the doorstep..... whatever it takes .... to keep her and sweet Peyton safe.

3. Back to the break up. Things were great over NYE. Spent the weekend in the mountains with friends. Had a ball. Then came back to reality. He says he wants to be friends. thinks we should be able to hang out still in a group and it not be a big deal. I tried to explain that it hurts too bad. that watching him leave at the end of the night .... without me ...would break my heart all over again. He just doesn't get it. He says he still has some of "those feelings" for me, that he misses me ..... misses lots of stuff about me .....grrrrrrr..... He says in time I will understand why he did it. That we could have stayed in this place forever, but would have never really been happy. I need time, space, not to see his face to get over this pain. Please..... I feel like i have been buried alive. Funny thing is, I really think I am taking this break up better than I thought i would. I refuse to waste time crying over someone, who I know is not mourning the loss of me.

On a positive note i have been spending a lot more time with my friends. I have really been able to get to know a few of the new ones better due to this break up. I even got a pat on the back from one of the guys .."I must admit sweetie, I really think you are taking this like a trooper. We all know he loves you and you did him. And I know how much this must hurt your heart. But you are really showing us what you are worth by trying to move forward. Don't let this make you feel like you are worthless because we ALL know you are not". Now coming from the fellow that said actually means more than the words could possibly every read. :)