Sunday, February 22, 2009

so tired of being sad ....

It seems each day I wake up I try to think positive.... but it never fails that I am reminded of how things are not as I wish they were. I am SO tired of feeling depressed. I ignore the good things, advances, and even gestures from others because I am so wrapped up in my consuming heart ache. In high school I could cry on command.... now I can NOT stop the tears from flowing. It is amazing to me that I let myself get so attached to anything or anyone in my life. I know that at anytime anyone I love could leave, pass away, or just not be around anymore. I believe that telling people how you feel and being honest are the only really TRUE way to having a happy full life, but to what purpose now ..... if only they choose to walk away? I am trying really hard to not become bitter. But I am tired of feeling like I am always the one being hurt. I am tired of crying alone .... crying for the one I miss ..... when i KNOW he does not feel the same. Am I just unworthy of love?

I DO deserve all the things my heart desires ----- when do I get to be happy?