Thursday, August 26, 2010

I miss you .....

"oh, i miss You so.......the feeling of forever
oh, what pulls at my heart hurts to remember

i had a fleeting thought this morning and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know You in part
and not to be with You where You are"

When I have time to myself I like to listen to music that really allows me to think about my life. All the good and bad, all those people and things that have come and gone. I just sit and miss ….. I miss people. I miss places. And I wonder….do they feel me, missing them? Do they ever sit and think of me or things that I may have been part of?

Does anyone miss me?

My best friend……wow. That term could actually include a few souls.

Dan. Gone from this place. I miss his long hippy hair. His laugh. I miss the way his voice on the phone always relaxed me and how he could find the perfect song to lift my mood. I thank him for teaching me how to find connections with every person i meet.

Joslyn. I miss her friendship. I miss the way she could make me laugh so hard I would cry. I miss the fact that I felt like we were so connected without words. I miss how she trusted me with the most intimate thing.

PeePee. Yes, my cat. I miss his sweet loving eyes. I miss waking up in the middle of the night because I felt him starring at me. I miss that LOVE you hard that he'd drool. I miss that he would let me treat him however i wanted and love me back. I miss him running to be near me when i cried. I miss him. Period

my family.

my great grand mother. her loving hands and rocking chair. her food. her smile. and her purse in church full of candy.

my grand father. Cigarette in both hands. A big sense of humor and the best laugh. And the back yard of their house when i was little.

All of my great aunts. the stories. the family gatherings. the feeling that i was surrounded by women that were JUST like me. Always being welcomed and loved.

Past affairs of the heart

My first love...the one i should have never let get so close. The one who taught me to be in the moment and let the world go. Those eyes....I miss the way they would look at me without judgment. I miss that passion to be with me that he carried.

I won't go into details of actual relationships of the's sad really, when a bond just disappears. But I could list more than one thing I miss about anyone who I have had a connection with that is no longer close to me. I would hope they would hold me somewhere in their heart.


I guess i miss the feeling of places. I miss Josh's driveway, just spending time looking over charlotte. I miss Camp Tekoa. I miss the feeling that I experienced going there when i was younger. My great grandmothers house. The back yard of the house i grew up in. So many places have so many moments, so I guess it's the moment I miss.

Not exactly sure where I was going with this post, but I have been writing it for days. I just felt like I needed to write down the things I still carry in my heart. And always will. Since I can't really express these things to those i think about the most, this seemed to be a good way of letting some of it out. So if you ever wonder .... yes, I probably miss something about you. :)

1 comment:

timethief said...

I have lost many who were close once to me. People come and people go from our lives but we have out memories of the time we spent together.

Last year I lost my two best friends. Both deaths were unexpected. One died of an aneurysm and the other of a congenital heart defect she never even knew she had. Although we know life is impermanent, there is still a big shock when the death of a friend shows us this inevitable truth.

Enjoy every moment you have with those you love and don't neglect to tell them how much they mean to you. Hold fast to the memories you record by way of vision, sound, smell, taste and touch and they will always be with you.