Break it down ....

So my nice long weekend consisted of rock band, adult beverages, football games, and break dancing! Yes, I said it - BREAK DANCING !!! We partied Friday night at Marshall's for Reza's brithday. Saturday we watched football at Ed's Tavern (while watching Mel drown her phone in mustard). Sunday night was a break dancing competion at Breakfast Club. How amazed I was at how much FUN that was. To be in a place with such a wide range of people... no fighting.... no one being rude.... it was amazing. Here are a few pictures and I will be adding more as I get them. Only have a few of the actual competition. Why can't we all just break dance??? ha

just for fun... random pictures

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my best friend's babies!!!

oh what a life.....

It amazes me how in the course of a few hours I can actually experience SO many emotions. Most of which are self inflicted. Some good and some bad. Any time i have a second to stop and just think... I tend to go to the bad stuff instead of good. Like thinking about how BADLY things could go, instead of how great my life generally is. I have been told for the past few days by many people - that I need to realize just how wonderful I really am, instead of constantly worrying that I am not enough, not worthy of love, or just being mean to myself. I am my biggest enemy. I know this about myself. I can look in the mirror and tell myself that I am great and deserve to be happy, but at the same time I am not actually looking at myself ... just through me. I am SO good at filling others tanks... building them up... taking care of others. But I am so mean and uncaring of myself. I know this is something that may never change for me. But I hope sooner than later I do on some level decide that I am worth more than what I think now. I heard a radio message the other day ....
"take one day this week and write down everything negative that you think about yourself for 24 hours. Then take that paper and give it to your best friend. Tell them it is about THEM and not you and see if they would still be your friend. See just how they react to all those negative things."
Funny because today my day went like this so far
1. you are old and this body is just not going to get any better
2. why can you not be better looking?
3. no wonder you can't keep a boyfriend
4. don't eat that for breakfast ... you are already fat enough
5. you will be alone.... forever (this one comes a few times when I walk past a mirror)
6. God, please just make me someone else
7. those guys are only looking at you because they are laughing not because you are pretty
8.you are not good enough for him...
the list actually goes on. but when i type it I think .... I would NEVER say or even THINK any of these things about my friends. WHY am I not my own friend? What can I do to change this?????

What I could have done last year .....

I get emails every morning with a verse, thought, and smile for the morning from this website www.thisdaysthought.org - this mornings thought was:

A year from now you may wish you had started today.

I am just sitting here pondering how I may feel a year from now and all the things I may have wished I had done. Of course in this process I can only look back a year and see where i was and what I had wished I had done THEN!! Last year this time I was ....

I will come back and finish this later!

Mount Rushmore

Today is a glorious day ..... I mean that, regardless of the fact that I am SO tired today. Visiting one of our YMCA camps yesterday had me worn out last night and then a 3am phone call from my guy caused my sleep to be less than enough today. but still..... it is a wonderful day.

Our devotion here at work on Monday had us list people in our lives that might make the faces of our Mount Rushmore. Of course in thinking about it my mountain of faces would be massive, but the first few names that opped into my head were Kelly Jones, Katie Moss (Walters), Erin Duke, Norma Dowless, and Jim Long.

Kelly Jones, is the mother of my God Daughter. I have learned many things from her in the past 16 years of knowing her. She is my friend. My crazy, crying, laughing, coo coo friend. Going through life changes with her have made me realize I am more grown up than I think I am. Shelby, my God Daughter's face would have to be right next to Kelly's on the mountain. That child has taught me more about myself than anyone ever could. I do not pray harder or want MORE for any person on this earth than I do her. I love her with all of my heart.

Katie Moss... well what do I say about her. She has always had this big overflowing heart full of love for people. I have wanted to be like her for many years. I look at her life now and am excited that I get ot say we are friends. Even if we only talk every few months I KNOW there is a place in her heart for me that never gets any smaller. She has married and wonderful guy, made 3 beautiful babies, and still manages to stay centered in the middle of it all. Eyes always focused on the cross. She is my sister, in Christ.

Erin duke, my best friend and if given the choice, sister by heart. She and I are so much alike but at such different times. She calms me and listens when I need her. She talks when I ask. She never ever tells me my thoughts are wrong or strange. She calls me out when I am being horrible. And when it's my turn to do all of the above for her, she lets me know JUST how much she needs me and is thankful for me. She knows that when I say I love her..... I mean it with all of my heart. She amazes me with all the things she has going on in her life. And if she won the lottery tomorrow I KNOW she'd share it with me. The past few years would have been So horrible if I hadn't been friends with her. I thank God every morning for allowing us to be such good friends. If you must take everything I own...... please let me keep my best friend.

Norma Dowless, mother of the boys I grew up with. I did not realize until a few years ago just how much she did for us growing up. The house was always unlocked. there was always food there if we were hungry. And she always had a hug BEFORE she saw the tears coming. I know that we were her daughters. She always made us feel loved.

Jim Long, was my boss a few jobs back. Loved his employees like family. Always cared about your life more than if your work was done. he is such a wonderful loving person and fortunately for me, I knew him when I was younger but we didn't realize it until after working together for years. I am honored that I got to work with him.

so those are just a few of my Mount Rushmore faces.