Tuesday, May 4, 2010

oscar the grouch

"Wow, what a bad mood you're in"

I have heard that today from 3 people and it's only half over. For some reason I am ill. Tired and feeling that old feeling of just wanting to punch a baby. (that just made me laugh ... cause that would be HORRIBLE to actually do that)

I am just tired. I feel like the old mean jaded Erin today. Lucky for me i know I will fall asleep tonight with a list of things i thank God for .... and in the morning the bad mood will be gone. I do have to share that all those old feelings are stirred up today. I am SO tired of allowing myself to get stepped on. Even with my new found freedom of 'being the best me' I am finding that my feelings are still being hurt. I am sick and tired of going to SECOND weddings of people when I am nowhere close to being married. I am TIRED of ex's whining to me about not receiving love when what I offered was obviously not enough. I am SICK of meeting people that i think are so amazing only to compare myself to them ...making me think I am boring. Lately i have been having some really bad luck. Locked myself out, wrecked my truck, a bird died on my windshield, two broken windows 2 weeks in a row at the house, AND a creepy "You smell fantastic" note on my door. (there's no one i can imagine would have written that).

I had a friend say "Wow, Karma is coming to get you" but NO.... karma? The past 6 months I have done nothing but bend over backwards helping people. FUCK - my entire life. Going out of my way to help others.....so no, not Karma. I just want to know when it's my turn.

again, tomorrow is a new day.....maybe Karma and I can have a drink tonight and come to an agreement.

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